It goes without saying.
I am pretty much broken up inside.
Well.. was.

As predicted, after a good cry recently, I've managed to pick myself up and ironed out all the issues in my life. Stubborn tears still threaten to escape these eyes but they have learnt to disappear as soon as they have formed. Crying rarely helps

One thing that I've been reminded from this experience is that it is only you that can pick yourself up. Others may show the way but it is you that will walk that path alone. I believe many will share my sentiments on that. Never should you count on the ones closest to you, even your loved ones, to carry your burden for you. Like what I always say, everybody has their own shit to handle. Be a man/ woman and do the rightful thing.

I've decided that being transferred out won't be that bad after all. More new experiences, more wiser by the day, I hope.

Things haven't been rosy between us lately.
Just a rough patch that I hope will pass soon.

Just a passing thought though....
I've noticed an influx of Malays being warded in my ward.
My ward is jammed pack with lots of makcik2 and kakak2..
All dolled up like as though they are heading to some wedding invitation or club.
Simply don't understand certain Malays indeed.
Can't say much on this though.

Have you ever been in a situation whereby the person who you're so proud of (anybody at all.. family members or loved ones) is not equally proud of you?
Well.. Maybe the person don't really verbalise it..
But they show signs to show it..
How do you think you'll respond to that?
To make it more tricky,
you can't really avoid constant contacts with this particular person..
Therefore, exposing you to that sentiments constantly.

Should you just be as proud of that person as you already were?
Or should you give that particular person a taste of their own venom?
Bearing in mind, of course, that this is someone you love.
What say you?

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My heart is aching.
Bleeding, in fact.
What is happening to my life?
Can I just run away from everthing?
Definitely cowardly.. but I have no other choice.

Work sucks. Didn't get the promotion.
My family and bf have yet to find out.

My closest friends' are struggling.
It kills me to see them in misery. No kidding.
Am losing sleep bcause of this.

My boyfriend. Let's not even talk abt his flaws just yet.
He is indeed the man I truly love..
Yet he is also the man that breaks my heart.
I just hope it doesn't take him too long to realise that I really, really need him now.
He's staying in camp for the next week or so..
I have no idea how I'm going to go through all this by myself.

Contrary to what everybody believes..
I am indeed a weak girl at heart.
I've put up such a strong and brave front for so long now for my friends..
Sharing my strength to the girls who mattered most to me..
Time and again, I've been labelled as a strong girl..
Heart of steel...
Molten steel, I shall say.
Honestly, it is taking every ounce of willpower in me to prevent me from crying while typing this entry....
I'm really, really hurt inside.

I have no idea who reads my blog anymore.
I suppose it doesn't even matter anymore.



if only he realises that i really need him now...

One of the most testing week I've had this year.
Suprisingly, I can finish my work on time.
I suppose that comes with working too many mornings.

Had 4 deaths in my ward this month alone, after months of peace.
Expected though.
Nonetheless, I'm certainly it has never happened to me when I'm the one on night duty.
Well, too early to say indeed. Will be going on night duty again this weekend.
Pray for me aight!

Past week haven't been too rosy for me & him either.
Increased workloads for both..
Impossible timing to meet..
Meeting at ungodly hours..
Uncontrollable rage..
In fact, I just managed to retrieve my bf again just an hour ago.

No kidding.
With the tones we've been using (since either one will working when the other calls n have to sound serious) and the minimal call & sms, it was almost unbelievable to even imagine he was the one I share one of the most sweetest and romantic moments with just a month ago.
The one I've dedicated my all too.
Yet the conversation we just had definitely relieved the tension that have been building around and in us.

Well..
All I know, at the end of the day..
From the bottom of my heart,
I really love this man.

Love you so much my dearest...
Happy 1st month!
Muacks!!!